Write the Future

Does Nike ever do anything wrong? Such a sick video. Great marketing. Great Idea.

Just do it.

Daily Dick Licker: Typical Lakers Fan

This dude honestly wants to get "Katelyn Faber'd" by Kobe. I don't know how else to put it. I've never seen anything like it. This guys straight up says, "I'm here to do whatever you need, I'm ready to give you all me." Game, set, match. I don't even care that he later said, "...but not in a gay way." Sorry bro, you tipped us off with the golden giveaway- the old "open-your mouth in excitement, then realizing everyone else around you is like WTF did you just say" move. For the sake of LA and this dude's life, I hope he's just a little cracked out of his mind trippin' on some party pills making a fool out of himself. Regardless, typical Lakers fan slobbing all over Kobe's knob.

3 Things That Baffled Me Last Week

I'm going to start doing a weekly thing every Monday/Tuesday where I focus on 3 things that blew my mind from the previous week. We'll see how long I actually keep up with it.

NCAA rules changes – The NCAA sure knows how to take the fun out of college sports, huh? Starting in 2011, the NCAA will ban eye black with messages on them (now that the savior, Tim Tebow, is gone), and it will also implement a taunting penalty that will allow referees to take points off the board. If a player is flagged for taunting on the way to the end zone – high-stepping, pointing the football at an opponent, etc. – a 15 yard penalty will be marked off from the spot of the foul, thus taking points off the board. Is this really necessary? Let the kids have a little fun. A little high-step never hurt anyone.

In other college news, the NCAA is considering making a drastic change to one of its most popular sports. Wait, they’re finally going to get rid of the BCS, you ask? No, stupid. Let’s change the one thing the NCAA actually does well: Let’s expand the NCAA basketball tournament to 96 teams, water down the talent, force the fans to watch more shitty teams, and eliminate the importance of the regular season. That sounds like a good idea, right? Leave the BCS, which everyone hates, and change March Madness, which everyone loves. Genius. Unfortunately the NCAA decided that the proper cliché here is “it’s all about the money,” rather than “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” It’s a damn shame.

Phil Jackson’s comments on Kevin Durant – Before the Lakers-Thunder series got under way, Lakers coach and all-around douche bag Phil Jackson commented that Kevin Durant gets “superstar calls,” or preferential treatment, from the refs. “Yeah, by the calls he gets, he really gets to the line a lot, I'll tell ya," Jackson said. Sure, this may be true (Kevin Garnett certainly agrees), but these comments are coming from the man who coaches Kobe Bryant! Really Phil? You’re gonna complain about superstar calls, when you have Kobe fucking Bryant on your team? Kobe gets to the line if someone looks at him funny. And let’s not forget that Phil Jackson also coached Michael Jordan, who legally invented the superstar call. Jackson is infamous for doing this. He makes comments to try to swing the refs in his favor and maybe steal a few calls. The sad thing is, it has worked in the past, which is why NBA officiating is a complete joke, but that’s another story. Thankfully, Jackson was fined $35,000 by the league for his comments. Hopefully, his little plan didn’t work.

Joe Lunardi already predicting the 2011 NCAA tournament – Lunardi is ESPN.com’s NCAA “bracketology expert.” He lives for March Madness. But this is a little ridiculous. He is already trying to predict the 2011 NCAA tournament. He seeded all 64 teams, and put them in the region he thinks they will be placed in… 11 months in advance. He even made an alternate bracket, just in case the NCAA stupidly expands the tournament into a 96-team field. This just seems ridiculous to me. I mean, what’s the point? There’s a solid chance he gets 0 predictions right. There are still star recruits who haven’t committed yet, as well as players that may or may not go into the NBA draft. This just seems like a waste of time, and it is really just an attempt by Lunardi to extend his relevance.

Message to LeBron: Get a Ring or Be Quiet

LeBron James is on pace to claim his second scoring title after topping the league in 2007-08, when he was a year removed from leading the Cavaliers to the NBA Finals.

Given the choice of either, though, James was emphatic in claiming he could win the scoring championship at will.

But it's the team titles that hold the key, he said.

"It's not important to me at all. I mean right now our team is in a position to try to clinch throughout the whole playoffs," James said of home-court advantage Thursday in San Antonio, where the Cavaliers play the Spurs on Friday night. "That's what position we're in right now. If we can do that, that will be more important than a scoring title. I mean, individual accolades take care of [themselves]."

"If I really wanted to," James said, "if I really wanted to be the scoring [champion] every single year -- every single year -- I could really do it. But it doesn't matter."

I wish LeBron would just shut up. Really, just shut up. “If I really wanted to be the scoring champion every single year, I could really do it.” You know what LeBron? If Kobe Bryant really wanted to, he could too. So could Kevin Durant. So could Carmelo Anthony. Great players sacrifice their own stats for the benefit of their team. You are not the only one who does it. So just shut your mouth, play basketball, and prepare to choke away the playoffs once again. We already have every single media member telling us how great you are, we don’t need to hear it from you too.

I also want to propose a motion to eliminate the nickname “King James.” Generally, kings wear lots of jewelry, and last time I checked, LeBron didn’t have any. So, once again: LeBron, get a ring or be quiet.

You're kidding, Maria.

TMZ: Tennis babe Maria Sharapova and her Lakers boyfriend Sasha Vujacic like making things difficult for themselves. While in Palm Springs on Wednesday, the athletic couple played a bizarro game of tennis and used the racket's handle to hit the ball.

They're a perfect match.

How the fuck has this gone unnoticed? Did anyone know that the blonde bombshell, Maria Sharapova, is dating that douchebag Sasha Vujacic. You've got to be kidding me. Why why why why why would she ever date that pussy. Is there a more hated basketball player than Sasha Vujacic on the planet? I mean, he fucking sucks at the sport he plays, no one likes him, and all he does it bitch. I guess that's how you scoop a girl like Maria. All you've got to do is be a pussy. Chicks apparently dig that these days, especially hot ones.

Best part of this whole story is now we know why Sasha cut his hair. Not because he realized guys shouldn't have long hair like their female counterparts, but because Maria most likely told him too.

We also now have the answer why Sharapova can't play tennis anymore. Because she's with Sasha, what a joke.

LeBron to Switch Numbers, Needs a History Lesson

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- LeBron James fans, get ready to make some room in your closet for No. 6 jerseys. James told The Plain Dealer on Monday that he's filed the paperwork with the NBA office to switch his jersey number from No. 23 to No. 6 next season. He had to make the decision this week, the deadline to make the request to the NBA is Wednesday.

"I've done it," James said. "I already sent it in. I'm going to be No. 6."

**I could completely see David Stern pulling the strings behind the scenes here. The NBA is going to lose $400 million this season, and new jersey sales will help bring in some much needed revenue. It worked with Kobe, why not LeBron? But can’t you see Stern whispering in Kobe’s ear, “Hey Kobe, you know who else changed numbers? Michael Jordan. Maybe you should consider it.” And then, “Hey LeBron, Kobe changed his number. Don’t you want to be like Kobe?” This is not entirely out of the realm of possibility. Kobe and LeBron are two of the most image-conscious, history-chasing players in the NBA.**

LeBron James on changing numbers (Nov. 2009): "I just think what Michael Jordan has done for the game has to be recognized some way soon. There would be no LeBron James, no Kobe Bryant, no Dwayne Wade if there wasn't Michael Jordan first.”

LeBron James has always claimed to be a student of the game, but these comments show that he is just an ignorant clown. If he wants to change his number from 23 to honor his hero, Michael Jordan, that's fine. But to pick number 6 is ludicrous, not to mention insulting to the history of the game. Why, you might ask? Because Bill Russell wore number 6.

For those of you who, like LeBron, need an NBA history lesson, here are the basics on Bill Russell. As a player, Russell won 11 championships with the Boston Celtics (and as a result the NBA Finals MVP trophy is now named after him). Russell was a pioneer for African Americans in the sport of basketball and was the first bona fide black superstar in the NBA. He also has the distinction of being the first black head coach in NBA history. Throughout his career, Russell was victim to abundant racism and hatred, which he overcame to become the greatest winner in the history of sports. Bill Russell paved the way for black basketball players. Michael Jordan just followed in his footsteps.

So Lebron, let me correct you. Without Bill Russell there would be no LeBron James, no Kobe Bryant, no Dwayne Wade, and no Michael Jordan. Get your facts straight, Mr. Student-of-the-Game. And just for the record, Bill Russell has more rings than Michael Jordan, Kobe, and you combined. So King James, I say to you… Get a ring or be quiet.

Are these the gayest Shoes you've ever seen?

Kobe Does It Again...

"Nicknamed the “Black Mamba“, Kobe Bryant’s favorite movie and lethal nickname provided the inspiration behind the Big Nike High and Auto Flight High below. In addition to being an incredibly dangerous snake, “Black Mamba” was also the nickname for of the most deadly member of the “Deadly Viper Assassination Squad”, played by Uma Thurman.

The Big Nike High’s colorway is quite obvious with the upper also receiving a splattering of blood – most likely from the blade of a Hattori Hanzo sword! The Auto Flight High comes with a mixed nubuck/leather upper and a classy vulcanized bottom.

The in-soles also feature Black Mamba’s infamous “Death List”, with a little Kobe-twist to it. Last year’s NBA championship defeat was over the Boston Celtics – leaving Ray Allen and Paul Pierce to be the first 2 names crossed off Kobe’s list. Will #’s 3, 4, and 5 be next?"

Well Kobe you did it again. When you're not raping chicks you're endorsing gay hollywood shoes.  I mean do you really call yourself the "Black Mamba"?  If so, I'm out of the loop cause I've never heard Gasol yell out, "Hey Black Mamba, pass this huge spanish dork the rock!"  On top of the fact these shoes suck more dick than Perez Hilton, you put a "Kill List" on the bottom sole! Really?  Realllllllly Kobe? #1 on the list, Ray Allen, and #2, Paul Pierce! I'm not 100% sure, but last time I checked the Lakers beat the Magic last year in the Finals (with the C's losing in the semis).  I completely understand the logic behind it though because the Lakers beat the Celtics in the 2008 NBA Finals.  Jimminy crickets what am I saying!  My fault I forgot.  The Celtics ran freight on Kobe and the rest of the Lakers  assholes beating them in smooth six.  
Moral of the story, get your facts straight Kobe and stick to raping chicks.  You've uncovered you're god given talent, and we can tell it ain't no shoe designin'!

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